Dear Reader

When I first found out that we were going to be able to pick whatever book we wanted I was ecstatic. I immediately knew that I wanted to read Crank by Ellen Hopkins. It's a book that I have heard about for years now but I never got around to actually reading it. I'm very happy that I did.

After reading Crank I was unsure about what I wanted to research. I had a couple of things in mind; teenage drug use, sexual assault in high school, personality disorder, etc. It wasn’t after a couple of suggestions that I decided that I would research the “success culture”.  I found out that “success culture” can have many different meanings so I went with the meaning that made the most sense to me which was; a young adult’s culture that leaves them wanting to strive for success while being surrounded by people that challenge you. I thought that this was very hard to research. I couldn’t find any data on success culture so I had to go with big ideas. I researched what comes with wanting to be “perfect”.

So I started looking up depression in high school and suicides in college. I found out that all of these things had a similar cause; success. All of these people were beaten down by the need to succeed that they had just given up. The pressure became unmanageable. They felt like their peers were superior and that they couldn’t compete.

I’m happy with the outcome. At first I was really confused because I did not know what I could do with so little research. I feel like my topic is really broad so it was hard trying to pin point on one thing that I wanted to research. I feel like I stressed all of the things that I thought were the most important. I really wanted to show that the affects that the society puts on young adults can life threatening.

My golden thread is my college. I have always been told that a picture is a thousand words and I feel like the pictures that I used represent the success culture perfectly. With my collage I wanted to show what the success culture can do to a person, where it is most likely resides, and how people cope with all of the stress.

Overall, I’m very happy with the topic that I chose. The further I went with the project the more I started to understand what I was doing. At first I was a little confused with my topic but as time went on I started to get into the hang of things.

Work Cited

Hopkins, Ellen. Crank. New York: Simon Pulse, 2004. Print.

Tough, Paul. "What Drives Success?" New York Times. New York Times Company, 14 Sept. 2011. Web. 25 May 2015. 

Susan, Synder. "Address Suicide Among College Students," NBC Philadelphia. NBC 10, 16 Feb. 2014.
Web. 25 May 2015.

 Alex, Johnson. "Half of college students are depressed," NBC News. NBC News, 18 Aug. 2008.

       Web. 25 May 2015.

Story #4

Success is always in a good mood.
It wasn't easy getting to the top but somehow she made it.
She knows that she had to go through many trails and tribulations to get to where she is; this is why she is always thankful.

Failure is a grouch.
He is always sulking in self pity.
He is not happy with where his life has taken him.
He knows that he should have tried harder but right now he is stuck in a rut.

Failure does not like Success.
He thinks that she is stuck up.
He hates to see how happy she is because he is very unhappy.
He hates that she tries to give him advice about his own life.

Success doesn't mind Failure.
On several occasions she has tried to help him get his life back together; but it he never takes her advice.
Because of this, Success has stopped trying to help Failure. She knows that if he asked for her help she would help him in a heartbeat.

Failure wants to ask for help but his friends, Pity and Lazy, always stop him.
Failure knows that he needs to swallow his pride and ask for help but his friends always advice him from doing it.

Success use to worry about Failure but she doesn't anymore.
Her friends, Ambition and Perseverance, remind her that if he really needed her help he would have asked for it a long time ago.
Success agrees with this, but still, she cant help but feel a little bad.

Success hopes that one day Failure will ask her for help because she would be more than willing.

Failure hopes that one day he will be able to swallow his pride and ask Success for help.

Success/ Failure #3

Success / Failure

I can do anything I put my mind to                                 

I know that if I try hard enough                                      

I can do anything                                                                

                                                                                   You are not good enough

                                                                                   There is always going to be someone better

Failure is not an option                                                  Failure is your only option

I know that if I fall down

I must get up

I cannot

                                                                                    If you fail, do not get back up

                                                                                    You are making a fool of yourself

                                                                                    You should just

Give up                                                                         Give up

I have to keep trying

There is a light at the end of the tunnel

                           

                                                                                    There is no light

                                                                                    This will all be one big waste of time

                                                                             

I will succeed                                                                 You will fail

I can do this

Success Recipe #2

Ingredients needed for Success:

1 cup of ambition
2 cups of perseverance
2 tablespoons of connections
1/2 cup of consistency
3 cups of self-discipline
1 cup of courage
1 cup of water
2 eggs

How to make Success:

1. Set oven to 375 F
2. Add in 1 cup of ambition and 2 cups of perseverance together in a medium sized bowl
3. Pour in 2 tablespoons of connections
4. Add 1 cup of water
5. Add in 3 cups of self-discipline
6. Add 1 cup of courage
7. Add 2 eggs
8. Add 1/2 cup of consistency
9. Mix well
10. Pour ingredients into a 17 x 11 pan
11. Put into over
12. Cook for 40 minutes

Collage #1

The point of no return

The novel Crank by Ellen Hopkins tells the story of a teenage girl, Kristina, who becomes addicted to crank, a form of methamphetamine. The novel follows Kristina's downward spiral as she attempts to feed her addiction and deal with the consequences of the bad decisions that she has made. It is during this time that Kristina gives birth to a new personality whom she will come to call Bree. Kristina describes Bree as the essence of herself. While Kristina is a traditional good girl and straight-A student, Bree is fearless. Bree flirts with boys, wants to experience the wild side of life, and takes drugs. Kristina best describes Bree as, ““Bree was not an invention, not a stranger. Bree was the essence of me” (54).

I decided to research the “success culture” that is present in today’s modern society. More specifically, I decided to research success culture in a high school and college setting. Success culture can be seen everywhere. But it is most notably present on college campuses, high schools, and varsity sport teams. The success culture can ultimately be defined as the mentally rigorous setting that many young adults have found themselves in, in which they are heavily competing with their peers to be the best. This culture is the breeding ground for a young adult’s strive for success. The feeling of always having to be the best compared to their young adult counterpart is detrimental to the young adult’s life. A lot of young adults are not okay with being in a constant battle with themselves and their peers. This vicious competition for success will leave many people behind. In this case, this will cause many young adults breaking under the pressure of having to be perfect. Researching this topic was very hard since there were was no accurate data to go off from. I based my understandings of the success culture off of signs and trends. I noted that within the last ten years the acceptance rates for ivy league schools have gone down while their suicide rates have gone up.

In this novel, Kristina ultimately breaks under the pressure of having to maintain the good girl image at all times.This is the reason for her first encounter with crank. She describes her first experience with crank as, “Fire! Your nose ignites, flameless kerosene (and, some say, Drano) laced with ephedrine you want to cry powdered demons bite through cartilage and sinuses, take dead aim at your brain, jump inside want to scream troops of tapping feet fall into rhythm, marking time, right between your eyes get the urge to dance louder, louder, ultra

gray-matter power, shock waves of energy mushroom inside your head you want to let go detonate, annihilate barriers, bring down the walls, unleashing floodwaters, freeing long-captive dreams to ride the current through arteries and capillaries, pulsing, rushing, raging torrents pounding against your heart sweeping you away” (116). She becomes so disgusted with herself for falling in line with the crowd that she vows to change herself. This can best be seen in the quote, “So you want to know all about me, Who I am, what chance meeting of brush and canvas painted the face you see? What made me despise the girl in the mirror enough to transform her, turn her into a stranger” (244). Ultimately, it all became too much for her and she felt like she had to please too many people. She had to please her stepfather, fight for the attention of her absent father, and try to please her clueless mother. Kristina was tired of carrying the label “good girl” around. She is a straight A student that never causes problems for her parents. Her parents ultimately think of her as the “good child” and never expect any trouble out of her. This can be seen in the scene in the novel when Kristina is going through a relapse after being off of crank for a couple of days. Her stepfather correctly guesses that she must be using drugs while her mother is sure that she must have a cold because her “perfect” daughter would never do such a thing. In a way Kristina wants her parents to find out that she is doing drugs, she wants as much attention as she can muster up from them. This can be seen in the quote, ““You want to shout, can't you see I'm here? Can't you see I'm brand new? Can't you see me at all?” (256). The interesting part of this whole novel is that Kristina knew how bad her life was getting. She knew that she was becoming a failing member of society and that she was disappointing her parents but it seemed like she couldn't pull herself away from the drugs. Her acknowledgement of her downward spiral can best be seen in the quote, “Hers is the face I wear, treading the riptide, fathomless oceans where good girls drown” (311).
The success culture is built on self-doubt and competition. Not many people make it out on the other side in one piece. The effects that the success culture can have are seen throughout the novel. It proved to be too much for Kristina which is why she started to do drugs, The stress and self- doubt that come along with always having to be the best is detrimental to realistic life goals. The stress of having to be perfect ultimately leads to Kristina’s downward spiral of a life. The constant need to be successful is transparent all over our society. The need to succeed can and will leave many people behind.

Crank Blog Post #2

The novel Crank by Ellen Hopkins tells the story of a teenage girl, Kristina, who becomes addicted to crank, a form of methamphetamine. The novel follows Kristina's downward spiral as she attempts to feed her addiction and deal with the consequences of the bad decisions that she has made. It is during this time that Kristina gives birth to a new personality whom she will come to call Bree. Kristina describes Bree as the essence of herself. While Kristina is a traditional good girl and straight-A student, Bree is fearless. Bree flirts with boys, wants to experience the wild side of life, and takes drugs.

I decided to research the “success culture” that is present in today’s modern society. More specifically, I decided to research success culture in a high school and college settings. Success culture can be seen everywhere. But it is most notably present on college campuses, high schools, and varsity sport teams. The success culture can ultimately be defined as the mentally rigorous setting that many young adults have found themselves in, in which they are heavily competing with their peers to be the best. This culture is the breeding ground for a young adult’s strive for success. The feeling of always having to be the best compared to their young adult counterpart is detrimental to the young adult’s life. A lot of young adults are not okay with being in a constant battle with themselves and their peers. This vicious competition for success will leave many people behind. In this case, this will cause many young adults breaking under the pressure of having to be perfect.

In this novel, Kristina ultimately breaks under the pressure of having to maintain the good girl image at all times. Ultimately, it all became too much for her and she felt like she had to please too many people. She had to please her stepfather, fight for the attention of her absent father, and try to please her clueless mother. Kristina was tired of carrying the label “good girl” around. She is a straight A student and never causes any of her parents trouble. Her parents ultimately think of her as the “good child” and never expect any trouble out of her. This can be seen in the scene in the novel when Kristina is going through a relapse after being off of crank for a couple of days. Her stepfather correctly guesses that she must be using drugs while her mother is sure that she must have a cold because her “perfect” daughter would never do such a thing.

The effects that the need to succeed in order to be a part of the “success culture” can be seen throughout the novel. The stress and self- doubt that comes along with always having to be the best is detrimental to realistic life goals. The stress of having to be perfect ultimately leads to Kristina’s downward spiral of a life. The constant need to be successful is transparent all over our society. The need to succeed can and will leave many people behind.

(Rough Draft of Expos, Essay)

Crank by Ellen Hopkins

I’m reading Crank by Ellen Hopkins for my fourth quarter reading assignment. This book tells the story of a teenage girl, Kristina, who becomes addicted to crank, a form of methamphetamine. The novel follows Kristina's downward spiral as she attempts to feed her addiction and deal with the consequences of the bad decisions that she has made. It is during this time that Kristina gives birth to a new personality whom she will come to call Bree. Kristina describes Bree as the essence of herself. While Kristina is a traditional good girl and straight-A student, Bree is fearless. Bree flirts with boys, wants to experience the wild side of life, and takes drugs.

This book is based on a true story and is written by the mother through the daughter’s perspective. I’m glad that the mother chose to tell the story in her daughter’s perspective and not her own. By reading this book through the daughter’s perspective I learned a lot about addiction. Throughout my life I have been told numerous times from the school system and my parents that I should never try drugs. I have heard a countless amount of times that drugs are bad because they cause a deterioration of one’s lifestyle. Before reading this book I knew that drugs were bad, I did not know to what extent it could go to, to completely consume a person’s life. This book portrays how easy it is to become addicted to something so life threatening. Kristina literally went from being a good girl that had never even touched a drug in her life to doing multiple lines of “the monster” a day. I also found it interesting that she knew what she was doing was bad but continued to do it. She knew that all of the people close to her would be disappointed in her yet she continued to do it. I also found it interesting to what extent a person will go to in order to change their old identity. I think that Kristina was so tired of being the girl next door that she drastically changed who she was. She felt as if “Bree” enhanced who she was and offered her opportunities that she otherwise would have never have had. I also learned that I should never judge a book by its cover. Kristina seemed to have it all; a nice house, two loving parents, and a straight A student. But deep down she was missing something that nothing tangible could ever make up for. I also learned a lot about the nature of addiction, and the physiology of this particular substance.

While reading this novel I discovered that my research could take several directions. Many topics pop up in this book; high school substance abuse, rape, etc.

F. Scott Fitzgerald #4

  

                                    This Side of Paradise

            F. Scott Fitzgerald tends to have a common message in all of his books. While reading This Side of Paradise by F. Scott Fitzgerald I saw numerous symbolic similarities between this book and The Great Gatsby. Fitzgerald uses a variety of symbols within his works to express an important value or issue. Often, Fitzgerald will use symbols to make a commentary on society.

The main symbol that Fitzgerald carries throughout all of his writing is the car as a symbol of status and wealth. In This Side of Paradise by F. Scott Fitzgerald, Isabelle only dates men that are “terrible speeds” (76). Also, Dick Humbird, the ideal man that Amory idolizes and wants to be like, is killed in a car crash when he “was driving and he wouldn’t give up the wheel, though they told him he’d been drink too much” (96). The car as a status symbol is also clearly revealed in The Great Gatsby. Gatsby's car exudes his wealth and provides an excellent example of the car as a status symbol. The car accidents in both This Side of Paradise and The Great Gatsby are ironic because they show the recklessness and irresponsibility of the society at the time. Fitzgerald often uses this car symbol in many ways of his novels to depict the status and comment on society's status system and materialism.

Finally, Fitzgerald uses the symbol of alcohol in This Side of Paradise to portray escape. Amory would drink uncontrollably to “shield himself from the stabs of memory” (226). However, “the advent of prohibitions… put a sudden stop to the submerging of Amory’s sorrows” (226). As a result, Amory has to face his issues with love and relationships. Fitzgerald uses many symbols in his novels to make a commentary of the faults of society.

At first I did not give the detail of Amory’s repetitive drinking much thought. I just thought of it as a typical college kid activity. But after tracing the symbol of alcoholism in various scenes throughout the story I noticed that whenever Amory drank alcohol it related to an issue he was having with love and relationships. That’s how I came up with the symbol of alcohol as a sign of Amory’s escape from reality.

This book required a lot of close reading. I initially chose this book because I wanted to read more books by F. Scott Fitzgerald. As I continued reading through the book I realized that I had also discretely chosen the book to enhance my reading skills. This book required me to read very closely. It was critical to pick up on all of the little details throughout the text. All of the little details in the text eventually led to something much bigger. For example, I l followed all of the details of alcohol and formed it into a symbol. I am currently working on becoming better at finding symbols. In doing so, I had to use tips from O’Connor and Perrine. This book required me to do a lot of re-reading. I realized immediately that re-reading would be essential if I planned on making any sense out of what I was reading. Re-reading was also very essential if I planned on finding any symbols throughout the text. I feel as though this book was very vague with the symbols that were in this book so the symbols that I have chosen were either a hit or miss. Even if I had read a chapter twice I would have to go over it again just to make sure that I captured all of the necessary details. And even then I may have missed a thing or two. Overall, re-reading helped me get a better understanding of what I was reading.

If someone were to ask me to recommend a book, I would definitely recommend them to read This Side of Paradise. I would recommend this book because it was a pleasure to read. I feel as though the story could be relevant to today’s teenager society. The complications that Amory faced along his way to adulthood could be essential to the growing experience of any teenager in this present day generation. It was interesting to read the story and see Amory becoming a young man. It was even more interesting to see how Amory got through the complications in his life. Although it may have been challenging at times because I had to read chapters over again, I feel like it made me an overall better reader.

This Side of Paradise, F. Scott Fitzgerald #3

                                                             
                                                                This Side of Paradise

I chose This Side of Paradise by F. Scott Fitzgerald for my first quarter independent reading book. I initially chose this novel because after reading The Great Gatsby my junior year I made it my goal to read more F. Scott Fitzgerald novels. After reading this novel I am glad that I made that decision. I am aware that This Side of Paradise is Fitzgerald’s first novel, which I believe can account for the similarities between the main character and Fitzgerald. The character has much in common with the author himself, rendering the book heavily autobiographical. This Side of Paradise, published in 1920, originally to be titled 'The Romantic Egotist' and later 'The Education of a Personage', follows the exploits of Princeton university student Amory Blaine. The story traces the early life of Amory Blaine from the end of prep school through Princeton University to the start of an uncertain career in New York. It was composed from various scraps of writing amassed during Fitzgerald's years at university and later during his time served in the war.

In my previous post I talked about how Amory was wrestling with deciding what factors he needed to change about himself. He knows that he needs to change things about himself but he does not yet know where to start. He was not yet aware about who or what has made him the way that he is. He was also struggling at making friends with his peers and his teachers at school.

“Amory had rather a Puritan conscience. Not that he yielded to it later in life he almost completely slew it but at fifteen it made him consider himself a great deal worse than other boys ... unscrupulousness ... the desire to influence people in almost every way, even for evil ... a certain coldness and lack of affection, amounting sometimes to cruelty ... a shifting sense of honor ... an unholy selfishness ... a puzzled, furtive interest in everything concerning sex.”

I’m not sure how important this quote is to Amory’s behavior but I think that it is very important to note that Amory has a conscious and is aware of everything that he is doing.

At this point in the novel, Amory is very aware about who has influenced him so heavily. He realizes that although he loves his mother, she will be the deciding factor on whether or not he can create a group of loving friends at school or have animosity between himself and his peers.

“He was changed as completely as Amory Blaine could ever be changed. Amory plus Beatrice plus two years in Minneapolis - these had been his ingredients when he entered St. Regis'. But the Minneapolis years were not a thick enough overlay to conceal the "Amory plus Beatrice" from the ferreting eyes of a boarding school, so St. Regis' had very painfully drilled Beatrice out of him and begun to lay down new and more conventional planking on the fundamental Amory. But both St. Regis' and Amory were unconscious of the fact that this fundamental Amory had not in himself changed.”

Amory is trying to change himself for the better but has had a couple of setbacks.

This Side of Paradise, F. Scott Fitzgerald #2

                                                          


                                                                This Side of Paradise

I chose This Side of Paradise by F. Scott Fitzgerald for my first quarter independent reading book. I initially chose this novel because after reading The Great Gatsby my junior year I made it my goal to read more F. Scott Fitzgerald novels. After reading this novel I am glad that I made that decision. I am aware that This Side of Paradise is Fitzgerald’s first novel, which I believe can account for the similarities between the main character and Fitzgerald. The character has much in common with the author himself, rendering the book heavily autobiographical. This Side of Paradise, published in 1920, originally to be titled 'The Romantic Egotist' and later 'The Education of a Personage', follows the exploits of Princeton university student Amory Blaine. The story traces the early life of Amory Blaine from the end of prep school through Princeton University to the start of an uncertain career in New York. It was composed from various scraps of writing amassed during Fitzgerald's years at university and later during his time served in the war.

In my previous blog I briefly described how desperately Amory wanted to be lifted from under his mother’s shadow and become his own person. Amory and his mother share the same personality because she has trained him to be like her. Ironically, Amory is not aware that his mother has had such a big impact on his life. He understands that as of right now, the way he carries himself will not get him very far in life. He is aware that he needs to make a couple of life changes but he is wrestling with what changes need to be made.

“He went all wrong at the start, was generally considered both conceited and arrogant, and universally detested.”

 At this point in the novel, Amory goes to St. Regis, a private school far away from his home; he is immediately disfavored by all of his peers. His peers see him as “arrogant” and a “know it all”. This can be seen in a scene in the book where Amory tries to show off in his French class but ends up getting a lecture of disapproval from his teacher. Going away to boarding school has not only opened Amory’s eye to his undesirable attitude but also to the realization that his mother is not always right.

“Vanity, tempered with self-suspicion if not self-knowledge, a sense of people as automatons to his will, a desire to “pass” as many boys as possible and get to a vague top of the world… with his background did Amory drift into adolescence.”

Amory is aware that his constant need to compete with other adolescents is a problem. It is a problem that he is not yet ready to solve just yet. Amory’s mother has taught him that he must be good at everything. While knowing that his mother’s advice is not always right, he still carries her principles with him wherever he goes. Amory is aware that he needs to detach from his mother and become his own person but he is not ready to do that just yet.

            The novel has sped up a little bit from my previous post, but it is still going at a rather slow pace.

This Side of Paradise, F. Scott Fitzgerald #1

                                                       This Side of Paradise

I chose This Side of Paradise by F. Scott Fitzgerald for my first quarter independent reading book. I initially chose this novel because after reading The Great Gatsby my junior year I made it my goal to read more F. Scott Fitzgerald novels. After reading this novel I am glad that I made that decision. I am aware that This Side of Paradise is Fitzgerald’s first novel, which I believe can account for the similarities between the main character and Fitzgerald. The character has much in common with the author himself, rendering the book heavily autobiographical. This Side of Paradise, published in 1920, originally to be titled 'The Romantic Egotist' and later 'The Education of a Personage', follows the exploits of Princeton university student Amory Blaine. The story traces the early life of Amory Blaine from the end of prep school through Princeton University to the start of an uncertain career in New York. It was composed from various scraps of writing amassed during Fitzgerald's years at university and later during his time served in the war.

Amory, the protagonist whose development the novel chronicles. Amory grows up with his sophisticated mother, Beatrice, until he leaves for boarding school. He then attends Princeton University and falls in love with several women. Amory is extraordinarily handsome and somewhat egocentric. He enjoys spending time with his friends, has literary ambitions, and ultimately achieves some portion of self-knowledge, though at the cost of losing his money and his dearest friends. Amory’s mother, Beatrice, loves her son both as a friend and a mother. She, along with home tutors, passes on to him much of the elegance of her education as they travel through the country together, enjoying high society. After Beatrice suffers a nervous breakdown, Amory spends two years with an aunt and uncle in Minneapolis.

“Amory Blaine inherited from his mother every trait, except the stray inexpressible few, that made him worthwhile.“

At this point in the novel I can feel Amory’s desperate attempt to be his own person. From a young age his mother’s personality has been drilled into young Amory. Though he does not know it at this part of the novel, Amory is desperately trying to flee the shadow that his mother has put him in. Amory has lived under the shadow of his mother for his whole life. His mother, though more or less acts more as a friend, has taught her son everything she knows and has created a “mini me” within Amory. This has left Amory with a bit of an identity crisis leaving him with no known sense of his “true self." The novel started off very slowly at first but I am hoping that as I continue to read it picks up.